Lots of good stories to make the lessons memorable, and concrete advice. I'll be recommending this to others. Susan Scott maintains an international consulting practice through her firm, Fierce Conversations Inc. For fourteen years, she ran think tanks and seminars for business leaders through TEC International, an organization dedicated to increasing the effectiveness and enhancing the lives of CEOS around the world.
Scott has extensive experience assisting companies with mission, vision, values, leadership development, cultural transformation, strategic planning, and executive coaching. Susan Scott. What results will I enjoy? Commit to action. What might get in my way and how will I get pass it? When will I take action? Copyright How you enter a conversation is how you emerge from it.
You might miss out on learning about something that might change your life. When engaging someone in a conversation, focus on the basic aspect of being present - eye contact. Eye contact takes the pulse of the relationship by really listening to and acknowledging the person. How you enter the conversation is how you emerge from it.
Holding back, not paying any attention, halfasleep or available, present or awake can spell the difference between success and failure. When listening to a conversation or discussion you need to listen not only to the content but also to the emotion and intent of the message.
The goal of any fierce conversation is to expand the conversation rather than to narrow it. It is not about holding forth on your point of view or opinion, but about producing knowledge by sitting with someone one on one and mutually interrogating reality. Questions are much more effective than answers in bringing about learning.
Burnout does not happen because you are solving problems, it happens because you are trying to solve the same problem over and over again. Identify and then tackle the real barriers to your path. When confronting issues, it is best that you prepare a presentation of the problem. This helps preventing incoherent or inadequate explanations about the issue.
You can use the following format in presenting a problem to a group: 1. The issue is: Be concise and straight to the point. It is crucial that you identify the right problem. It is significant because: What is at stake? How will it affect the company and other relevant factors? What is the future impact if it is not solved? My ideal out come is: What specific results do you want? Principle 5: Obey Your Instincts Pay attention to your instincts and obey them. In your desire to gain approval, you are quick to disregard your inner voice.
Following your instincts requires you to listen to your own internal voice, and acknowledge it. It could lead you to realize the truth about a situation, the company, the relationship or even yourself. In fierce conversations, you are encouraged to swap ideas and sentiments while paying close attention to and disclosing your inner thoughts. You are also encouraging others to do the same.
You are encouraged to trust and obey your instincts. When talking or discussing you tend to filter your private thoughts, making public only what you assume needs to be heard, will not upset people, will get what you want, will not create conflict and so on. When you hold back important thoughts, you decrease your ability to learn and make good decisions. During fierce conversations, your task is not to say what is easy to say or what can be said, but to say what you have been unable to say or what others are afraid to say.
Pay close attention to the speaker when listening; listen not only for the content but for emotion and intent. Relevant background information: This should be summarized in bullet form. How, when, where and why did the issue start? Who are the key players?
Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success at Work and in Life One Conversation at a Time
What is the issue's current status? What have I done up to this point: What have I done so far? What factors am I considering? The help I want from the group is: The result you want - alternative solutions, critique of the proposed or current strategy, etc.
It is not your thoughts and feelings nor your disclosures that get you into trouble. Rather, it is your attachment to them and your belief that you are right. Participating in a fierce conversation means that you should be open to the possibility that your idea, opinion or feeling will be criticized or evaluated.
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Remember the first principle: when asking for opinion, resist the temptation to defend your idea immediately. Fierce conversation is about listening and questioning rather than holding forth your point of view. It is about finding out other points of view. Fierce conversations should be fluid and adoptable to the ideas and issues presented.
Fierce Conversations - Wikipedia
Do not speak about what you know. Rather, speak in order to find out what you know and should know. Following your instinct and sharing them with your colleague or partner allows you both to discover things you didn't know about each other. You begin to see where the conversation wants to go, and how to make it a reality. Principle 6: Take responsibility for Your Emotional Wake No comment is insignificant, unimportant or trivial.
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Something you have said or not remembered saying may have a damaging impact on someone or it may have inspired another. Your comments can leave a positive or a negative impact - an emotional The stump speech must be powerful, clear and brief expressing the following sentiments: This is where we are going.
This is why we are going there. This is who is going with us. This is how we are getting there. Negative and Positive Emotional Wake A negative emotional wake is not solely caused by thoughtlessness or unkind comments. It may also be caused by lack of appreciative comments. In today's world of confrontation, cynicism and anger, expressions of appreciation are given less importance.
Yet this expression of appreciation is a value-creating activity. It brings a more positive change - an emotional wake. Sometimes the most powerful thing to say is thank you. Don't just tell the people that they are appreciated, tell them why. They will remember that conversation. Sometimes people in a relationship have produced such a negative emotional wake that one or both parties are ready to pull the plug. Fierce conversations can turn things around and it requires going back to the basics.
No comment is ever insignificant, unimportant or trivial. In other words, give to others what you want to receive; live the principles you are focused on learning. An emotional wake is what one remembers long after a comment has been made. You have no control over how others might react on the statement that you gave. The most effective position to take is to focus on your own actions and to take responsibility for your emotional wake. Your Stump Speech Taking accountability for your emotional wake requires you to have a stump speech - the speech Copyright you must be prepared to make and give to anyone, anywhere, anytime.
Leaders share their stump speeches with their teams and customers constantly to send a clear and forceful story about the company and to leave a positive emotional wake. Deliver the Message without the Load A negative emotional wake is costly. In order to leave a positive wake and lessen the chance for an incorrect spin to be attached to your message, learn to deliver the message without the load. Loaded messages can cause the other party to be defensive, withdrawn or fail to give you the response needed for positive change.
Making mountains out of mole-hills. Threatening, intimidating. Pointing to someone else's failure to Silence presents you an opportunity to think and plan. This can be the worst load you can attach. It feels like a lack of caring, lack of validation Memorable conversations occur because they have breathing space - a time where people can respond and react to the ideas presented. Slow down the conversation so that opinions can be given and you can discover what the exchange really wants and needs to be about.
Fierce Conversations: Achieving success in work and in life, one conversation at a time [Paperback]
Fierce conversations entail silence. It is about conversing with people, exchanging ideas. The more emotionally loaded the issue, the silence is required. Interrupting or talking over someone else. Silence presents you an opportunity to think and plan. It gives you the space to focus on the cause not just the effect. It allows everyone to participate, to be part of the discussion. It lets you look for the ground truth. It teaches you to feel. Attaching a load to a message leaves the relationship worst off than before you started.
Fierce Conversations (Revised and Updated)
Remember: one of the philosophies of fierce conversations is enriching relationships. Acknowledge the load if you have one, but do not be so careful with what you want to communicate that there is no load, no message. We provide abridged versions of top self-help, motivational and inspirational books, where you can learn--in minutes-- what it takes to live life and live it well.
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